In a matter of seconds, after hearing the autism diagnosis, I was forced to accept something I could not explain nor understand. I pressed the rewind button of my life, trying to figure out what happened. I placed all the facts of the past on the table for research and review — family tree, doctor’s visits, pregnancy issues & delivery, foods eaten and even the environment. But eventually, I realized that as gut-wrenching as autism was to hear and to accept, I could not continue playing the blame game. Wondering what went wrong only brought guilt and an indescribable pain to weaken my thought process and immobilize my feet from moving forward. I had to quickly accept the unfamiliar and the unexplored that my son wore everyday. It was attached…now with a name. It’s certainly something I would not have chosen for him, but I learned that instead of standing still or trying to decipher how to remove it, I had to see my son. He needed me…and “where I was” wasn’t helping him.
Thanks for listening,